Understanding your triggers

In my first year of marriage I gained some weight with little effort. Happy and content, eating good food and having consistent meals, this is hardly surprising. I felt like my wife was constantly trying to make me eat. As a newly-wed this was different but very satisfying as my wife is a very good cook. I remember one day asking her why she insisted that I always have my dietary needs satisfied and the answer shocked me.

Apparently I get very grumpy when I’m hungry! Yes, I get “hangry” and I was completely unaware. For her own sanity, my wife took her fate into her own hands and made sure that I was always well fed. Sometimes I wouldn’t even be able to recognise my own hunger. But of course my wife did. This is a massive blind spot for me but also a great example of a trigger affecting my mood that I was completely unaware of. Others include a lack of sleep, any hint of false accusation, racial prejudice or people who don’t really listen when we are having a conversation.

Triggers are those events that set you off on a course of action, or make you think or feel a certain way. Those things that alter your mood or state or mindset. I put it to you that most people are not very aware of the triggers that influence their behaviour. However, being able to control yourself in these moments is a very useful skill to have.

In emotional intelligence theory, this falls neatly into the realm of emotional self regulation which is part of Daniel Goldman’s mixed model. So basically in summary the better your emotional intelligence you have if you can control your impulses. In better English, controlling your emotional reactions is a key element of emotional intelligence. Like most things worth doing in life,however, this is easier said than done.

Great at maths, but rubbish at money

 

Let me illustrate the thought about triggers and impulse using the example of money. If I gave 10 individuals an equal amount of money, say R10,000 and asked them to use it as best as they can, what do you think would happen? Would those people that are better at maths, do something more useful to grow the money? Not necessarily! Because how people spend is not rational based on mathematical ability. I know very bright people who shop after a bad day or bad week, because it makes them feel better. And I know people who are poorly educated but not less intelligent who would save or invest the money for the future. There is a trigger that makes us spend impulsively…this trigger has nothing to do with our rational ability to understand the consequences of what we are doing. By realizing the reasons why we spend we can better understand what is triggering or behaviour. So one can go straight home and put the credit card away because one realises that they don’t actually want that pair of shoes…they have just had a really bad day.

I want some pie…now!

 

I work in a department where the general trend is for people to gain 5 to 10 kgs within the 1st year of working there. I’ve often wondered why this is as I see people miserable eating salads for lunch, but stuffing their faces with pie at tea time. That was until a few weeks in and I was sitting in a meeting signing off artwork for a new campaign. An endless stream of the most delicious food shots, that by mid morning I felt like I hadn’t eaten for 24 hours. By lunch time I would have eaten anything. The images are the trigger.

Now all I want to do is gym

 

There can also be positive triggers. Things that make you react in a good way. A great example is the bathroom scale in my house. My routine is to weigh myself periodically in the morning to see how badly I am into the 5-10kg weight gain club. If what I see on the scale does not impress me, then there is a higher likelihood of me eating better and exercising better that day.

In closing, therefore, I must say that understanding the things that set me off remains a long term goal of mine. Of course we are human and we are spontaneous at times. But there really is value in understanding the things that induce a reaction in us. Controlling this reaction could save us money, keep us healthier or even keep us out of jail.