I was having a conversation with a friend about a controversial topic. I made the comment about how I felt that it was wrong for people to stereotype a particular person when actually they were very well educated, successful and generally a kind and contributing member of society. The word that gave away my bias was the word “but”. Me saying my expectation of the person was that they would behave in a certain way, but actually they did not, greatly exposed the bias or expectation that I had to that particular person. My friend actually asked me “Ed, why are you saying but he is a good guy? What exactly were you expecting?”
Having attended Zimbabwean private schools for my primary and secondary education my command of the English language is adequate. Although I have that private school accent that gives away my background. I have experienced it so many times where white people have come up to me with genuine surprise and told me “But you speak so well?!”. Speaking well apparently means speaking English well.
If you speak your Mother tongue really well nobody is going to comment that you speak well. This is usually followed up by a question of where exactly I am from. This means their expectation is that I should not be able to have an extensive vocabulary and sound very similar to them. Ironically, I should introduce them to my parents who sound nothing like me. Both have beautiful Shona accents and have significantly English better vocabulary and command of the English language than I do.
In my opinion when that word…”but” creeps into the conversation it betrays expectation or bias sometimes. I have had many discussions with friends about companies that are led by people of colour or led by women where the conversation is pitched at the fact that the company is doing well despite the diverse composition of its leadership. There are just so many examples. One of my friends once was telling me about his boss and mentioned that his boss is Afrikaans,”but he is a nice guy”. Like I should be incredibly surprised that he is a nice guy.
My great Eureka moment today, therefore, is that the qualifications we use to describe someone are very telling. In many cases the intention is actually to say something positive about someone else. However, in qualifying what we are saying we give away so much about what we really feel.
Popular “but bias” phrases
He/she is from {insert geography here} but is {insert surprise here}.
{XYZ achievement} was achieved by {insert person’s name} despite being {insert characteristics}
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