I am a huge fan of Simon Sinek. I’m the read all his books, follow him on social media and quote him in meetings kind of fan. I recommend his book Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action to everyone. It is a great call to action of how we can make our lives and work more meaningful. If you start with Why you are doing something it will provide a framework of meaning that helps to ensure that what you do is actually important.
I’ve been thinking lately of a different twist to the “Why” kind of thinking. Often we do start with a strong Why or strong call to action but then something derails us along the way. I’m talking about how our emotions, experiences, upbringing, social norms and even past trauma all manifest unknowingly. If for example my goal is to take better care of my body in order to give myself the best chance at being around to enjoy my family, then why do I find it so easy to deviate from the plan? Another wonderful read that may help answer this question is The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. He talks about how our habits shape our behaviour but more importantly how we can change them.
If it is not habits that are preventing me from fulfilling my Why, then what exactly is it that has me in front of the TV re-watching Ozark with 1kg of cashews in my lap rather than in bed early so I can exercise the next day? I have one easy and relatable answer… “I had a bad day”. Drilling down one level below what do I mean by “bad day?”. Next level “Someone else presented my own work as their own”. Next level “Why did that upset you so much?” . Next level “Because I didn’t get the credit?”. Next level “Why does that upset you so much? Because as a child my siblings got all the attention and I didn’t” . Next level “So why the cashews dude? I always used to buy myself cashews as a treat when I went on road trips as a kid. They remind me of happier times”
Bingo! Essentially the last why provides most of the insight as to what is really going on. I don’t only love the show Ozark and have a weakness for cashews. It’s all a bit deeper than we think. Sorry kids, it is actually that deep. Starting with Why will give you a great reason to begin and enough of a purpose to drive momentum. It’s the absolutely correct thing to do. However, ending with Why will help you understand and make sense of how you behaved along the way.
As in all great blog posts there has to be some good news right? This time the good news simply is that once we understand the root causes of our behaviour we always have the opportunity to change or adjust the way we behave. Or to turn it around so that what was previously a weakness can now be a motivator or a strength. Back to Ozark and cashew references unfortunately. What if binge watching Marty and family in Ozark were actually a reward? A reward for achieving whatever goals I set out for the day? What if instead of buying 1kg of cashews I bought 100g at a time to limit my consumption? What if instead of using TV and food to distract me from a tough day, I actually set aside so time to talk it through with my wife or a close friend? What if I wrote a journal of my thoughts? What if I captured my learnings as a blog 😉
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