The days are long but the years are short

I recently attended a talk on parenting by author and speaker Katherine Hill (https://www.katharinehill.co.uk/) It was a very insightful discussion filled with lots of advice, tips and tricks on how to navigate parenthood. Most parents will agree that it is one area that most people don’t have special qualifications for, that also causes the most anxiety because we are worried about getting it wrong. Of all the many golden nuggets shared that evening one phrase really stuck with me. When parenting, the days are long (and they are), but the years are short. It hit me like a ton of bricks.

I was caught in a cycle of worry, where I was obsessed with making sure that my children received a better life and more opportunities than I did. When I reflect on the immense privilege I had growing up in a stable home, with two loving parents, many siblings, great education and no shortfall in material basics, I realise now that matching the life my parents gave me will be a challenge. Let alone beating it. Despite this, I was on the treadmill of worrying about all the small minutiae that I thought were important and really weren’t. Silly things like the rigid enforcement of bedtimes, and letting my children experience discomfort in the never ending quest for them to know that they must be accountable for their actions. I’m sure each family has it’s own enforceable boundaries that make one feel that they are doing the right thing.

Unfortunately, what became clearly evident is that while I was focused on enforcing the letter of the law when I tried to be a good parent, I was actually missing out so much on truly experiencing life with my children. The years are short and they wont be around the house forever…and unfortunately, neither will I. I quickly realised that allowing the children to occasionally sleep in my bed, or stay up late on a weekend to watch a late football match or have sweets on more than one day a week was not likely to ruin their lives forever. All the time spent trying to coerce them to go to bed at 730pm, can now be spent chatting about the day for a few extra minutes or watching the end of a football match together. When my 13 year old comes home from a tough day at school and is grumpy and tired, I now try and give him a big hug and lots of space until he calms down and is ready to hang out with the rest of the family again. Screaming and shouting and complaining about his “bad attitude” doesn’t work and when he is 42 with his own family what do I really want him to remember? Being given a hard time before bedtime, or watching Arsenal choke in their last 10 matches of the Premier League.

All I am saying today really, is that for all of us, not just for parents. Our lives are busy and tiring and stressful and tough. Our days are very long and it takes a lot of grit to keep going. While this is happening , we must take the time not to forget that the years are a very short. Before we know it we will be close to retirement, retiring, old or ageing in some other way. Make sure you take care of the short years as much as you do the long days.