On the 24th of February 2024, my only brother Tafadzwa Ukama was brutally murdered at his house in Harare, Zimbabwe. I know that is a truly shocking way to start a blogpost, but that is in fact what happened. Details around the motive and perpetrator(s) of his murder remain murky although I know knowing such information will not bring him back.
My brother was a gentle, kind, caring and honest individual. He wished the best for people and most people who met him really liked him for his humility, friendliness, warmth and intelligence. As I sit on a plane back home I am trying to make sense of why this happened and I cannot. My wish at this point is to find a way not to think about it all the time. Some sleep would be nice too. People often talk about employment situations or periods of inconvenience as the worst week of their lives. My brother’s passing takes this dubious award for me. Nothing can ever happen in a work or social context that can make me feel worse.
I often try and find the positive in any situation encounter and this time I cannot. The negative occurrence unfortunately outweighs any potential positives. On a happiness scale of 1-10 this scores a solid minus 1 million. However, as I reflect on this painful week where our family put my only brother to rest for the final time I can reflect on some moments that meant a lot to me. Hugging my Dad and my sisters consoling each other. Wiping away each other’s tears. Seeing family members I don’t see often, with them united in support. Hearing all the stories people have about how much my brother influenced their lives in a positive way. The sheer vast reach of the network of messages of support and prayers. The Damascus moment where you question your faith and ask why God has allowed this to happen…but choose to follow Him anyway. Introduction of family members from across the globe who had never met before. Getting help from unexpected sources. Sharing family inside jokes and reminiscing about the good times. Many many many other moments. A random aunt forcing you to eat because they have been watching you and noticed that you haven’t eaten all day. Too numerous to mention.
Moments that during a period of grief remind you that you are loved and have a home and community and a family. Moments that don’t remove the darkness or make it bearable in any way…but make you realise that your life has meaning. That you are not alone in the dark, even though you don’t know when the light will come. That in the midst of the grief there were times it hurt less.
300Paychecks 