In a few days I turn 44 and I am very excited. Mostly because it is my birthday and I’m happy to be alive and count myself as blessed. But also because I get to share it with those closest to me. I was reflecting today on how I see the world now as I am deep in middle age compared to how I probably viewed it earlier in my life.
1.You probably won’t become CEO of the company that you work for
We recently lost a very talented employee to a competitor company. The young man left for what I considered to me a mediocre role in a mediocre company. When probed about why he left he told me…and I quote… “I was not meant to be the supporting cast. I was meant to be the main character”. He was convinced that where he was going would get him to be the main character faster. I remember over 20 years ago applying for a graduate role in a sought after multinational and being rejected after telling them that I wanted to be a captain of industry. I also believed I would be a CEO one day. The next year when asked the same question, I told them I wanted to work for an organisation as part of a team delivering something for the greater good and I got the job. Today, I still have a job and great career. But I am not the CEO. And likely will never be. There is only one CEO in an organisation usually. It is not likely that all of us can make it to CEO. But it is still very likely that we can live a happy and content life which is better than we possibly imagined 20 years ago.
2.You feel more pain when people you care for are hurting, than when you are hurt
I had a the terrible misfortune of losing my Mother and brother in consecutive years a few years ago. I loved them both dearly and the shock and pain stayed with me for a long time. However, it was the impact of their deaths of my family that hurt me the most. Seeing my Father break down when he visited my Mother’s grave for the first time after the burial, and seeing him breakdown after having to identify my brother’s body at a mortuary was difficult to bear. I can deal with my own disappointments from how my life has turned out, but seeing my children disappointed at being left out of parties, or not receiving awards they thought they deserved or just being treated unfairly, will always hurt more. Seeing sadness, exhaustion or surrender on my wife’s face always hurts more than when someone makes me sad. As a result, you start living more to see joy on the faces of people you love the most, than seeing joy on your own.
3.We are harder on others that we are on ourselves
It is really easy to be idealistic and hold people around us to a high standard of behaviour and integrity. I personally find it easy to write people off after major disappointments. Very minor infractions such as leaving the sports equipment out exposed to the elements, are approached with stern words in my household. However, I am the same guy who once left his laptop in the scanner tray at the airport. The same Dad who forgot to file his son’s subject choices before the deadlines. The same employee who made a finger error on an excel spreadsheet that potentially could have cost his company millions. In all those circumstances, I was neither scolded nor chastised. Yet, I find it acceptable to chastise others. Absolute hypocrisy.
4.Your parents were right about most things
My late Mother was obsessed with hydration. Whenever we would fall sick with any ailment her advice would be to drink “ma-liquids”. We had an inside joke as siblings that we could break our leg and the first thing Mum might ask is whether we had taken our liquids. And she was right. Hydration is an important part of health and we all feel better when we have had the correct amount of water in a day. Small things like packing the night before a trip, always being polite and humble, respecting elders and avoiding travel after dark. All ended up being useful wisdom in adulthood. But I have not even mentioned the large things like being honest, thinking about the future, investing wisely and working hard. Our parents were always right.
5.Exposure is a catalyst
There are two sides to this argument. In the positive side it reflects all the good things that we are exposed to that enhance our lives. As an example, my daughter has at age 11 the capability to start an online business all by herself. This entrepreneurial flair has come about after being exposed to the tools at school and being in a community of extremely entrepreneurial girls. Always selling something and always hustling. On the negative side one can also be exposed to radioactive energy that can lead to poor outcomes. Who one spends their time with and how they spend their time can have a significant and profound impact on their life. Being in the wrong circles, exposed to the wrong things can lead you down a very bad path with very poor outcomes and consequences. The thing about a catalyst is that it does not announce itself and tell you what it is doing. It just silently pushes you to accelerate in a certain direction. You only realise the direction when you are actually there. Best plan is to be in an ecosystem that is likely to guarantee the best outcomes. That is why many parents I know are very selective about which children and which families their kids associate with.
All in all I am very grateful to be alive. I am grateful for my family. Grateful for my wife Kudzai. Grateful that I have skills and talents. Grateful that I live in relative comfort. Grateful that this young man who grew up in obscure mining towns in Zimbabwe has been able to make something special of his life. Has been able to raise three wonderful children and has been granted the grace to fall, make mistakes and keep going again. What a privilege to be able to sit and reflect on what is really important in life and how you can use what is left of your life to make other people’s lives better.
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