Never forget the backstory

People have the most interesting and fascinating stories. When we bother to listen and scratch below the surface anyway. Every event and every decision people make is driven by some motive. Often the narrative that is espoused is not the real or actual truth. I don’t think the intent is to deceive in most cases.

I think it is just a way of projecting oneself to the outside world in a way that doesn’t leave one emotionally vulnerable to shame or judgement. But when we drill a bit deeper profound insights emerge that can show why people have made the decisions they have made. There is always a more fascinating or more interesting backstory.

It is a wonderful thing when people trust you enough to tell you their honest true motives and leave nothing off the table. It is an extreme privilege that some people find me trustworthy enough to share this information with. However, the onus ultimately is on me to always think what could be driving certain behaviour.

I make an effort to catch up once in a while with former work colleagues from previous companies. I have seen the CVs of many of them that detail why they left a company. Much of it makes sense in that it really is a career opportunity that lured them out of their existing company. However, if the catch ups are over several drinks the narrative that flows has nothing to do with career opportunities. Typically it has more to do with something more personal. Sometimes it is nothing to do with the company at all. Many times it is very sad. Many times it is just plain hilarious. All the time it is unbelievable that the employer is convinced that the employee left for more money or better opportunities. When sometimes they left simply because of how you spoke to them in that meeting. Or how you never kept your word on their career. Or how they are expecting another baby and can’t handle more travel.

Maybe it is time to scratch a bit below the surface next time. There is always a backstory. Do you know what it is?